For how long are we going to keep up with the assumption that society is more favourable to men? Yes, we live in a patriarchal/male-dominated society and while it is true that men enjoy several privileges, it does not mean all is rosy for them. It is about time we quit talking about patriarchy being fair to men and unfair to women. Just as society has certain stereotypical expectations on how a woman should behave, so it is for the men. From an early age, the boy child is taught that it is wrong for him to openly show his emotion because it will be seen as a sign of weakness. When a little boy cries, society tells him to keep quiet and take it like a man. Who says men can’t be vulnerable? Who says men don’t need empowerment? Who says men are already empowered? Who says men don’t get tired and need a little bit of comfort? Yes, society is unfair to women but it is also unfair to men- both genders have been subjugated by traditional norms.
In recent times, so much emphasis and likewise most gender initiatives have been focused on women and girl child empowerment, more so that somewhere along the line, we forgot that women do not exist in a vacuum but rather coexist with other genders. Gender equality has become so feminised that it is now being seen solely as a woman issue. Women are being taught to break the bias, to break the glass ceilings in their respective domain but no one is teaching the men how to break the bias that they too face. Society puts too much emphasis on training the girl child, teaching her etiquette, training her on how to become a virtuous and prayerful woman, a perfect woman, a perfect wife, and a perfect mother. She is taught from an early age that she exists to give pleasure to her husband, to satisfy his needs, to make him happy, and to keep the family together. She is trained to take care of the home and be the glue that holds the family firm.
Yet, no one thinks about training the man on his role in the society where he is living. Society expects him to assume the role of a husband and a father without telling him what is expected of him. He is not trained on how to be the perfect man, the perfect husband, and the perfect father. No one cares about teaching him virtues or letting him know that it is also his responsibility to give pleasure to his wife, to satisfy her needs, to make her happy, to take care of the home and to keep the family together. Society has conditioned men to take what they want when they want it without caring about who they hurt in the process. We praise men for bad behaviour. For example, unlike women, when a man cheats on his spouse, the response they get will be “men will be men”.
Society places so much pressure on the boy child and on men, forcing them to grow up under little or no guidance, with the assumption that they naturally have all the answers to wealth creation. They are taught to bottle their feelings, neglect their emotional vulnerability, and be full of strength. The result of this neglect is what we currently experience- toxic masculinity. Society places significant importance on ‘manliness’ based on sexual virility, strength, self-sufficiency, lack of emotion, and dominance. A man who does not display these traits or who does not conform to these societal expectations is often ridiculed and regarded as being unmanly. Due to the undue pressure caused by these stereotypical masculine attributes, there is the added risk of men experiencing poor social functioning, depression, substance abuse, body image issues, stress, and even suicide.
Today, compared to women, suicide is immensely higher among men across all the age groups in most parts of the world. This increasing rate of suicide among men can be attributed to the heightened level of stress that men face due to traditional gender roles. Society expects the man to provide for himself and his family members at all cost, seeing a man incapable of meeting the financial needs of his family members to be a failure or to be less of a man. Now, men are trying so hard to fit the perfect image that society expects from them, which sometimes forces them to go the extra mile. There is always the assumption that because he is a man, things are easy for him. Some men have thus had to resort to engaging in criminal activities to support their families and keep up with this perfect image.
Furthermore, looking at the issue of domestic violence, though a large report of cases of domestic violence have men as the perpetrators, there are also cases of women abusing men. Yet, society sees men that report cases of domestic violence against them to be weaklings. A woman that leaves an abusive relationship is praised as a hero but a man that does the same is shamed. For generations, men are taught to be “strong” and not to admit their struggle or shortcomings. Men that express their feelings and emotions with others are seen as “mummy boys”, “pussy”, “wimps”, or even as “gays”. It is seen as normal for a woman to visit a therapist but society frowns on men seeking help for their mental health issues, thereby forcing them to self-medicate, which oftentimes leads to alcohol and drug dependence, thereby increasing impulsive behaviours. All of these have a spiralling effect, which can be seen in men expressing their emotions and feelings using force-domestic violence and abuse.
The point then is that rather than women empowerment translating to gender equity, the reverse continues to be the case. Thus, while there has been significant progress for women, it has not translated to creating a better and more sustainable society. This is because the empowered woman goes back into the society to meet unempowered men. Now, living with “empowered” women in the society are men who do not know that it is not okay to physically, mentally, or emotionally abuse a woman; men who don’t know that it is okay for a woman to be ambitious or to seek pleasure for herself; men who see violence as an indicator of power; men who don’t know that it is okay for them to let the world know that they need help; men who don’t know they can be masculine without being toxic; men who prefer to suffer in silence that to show their pain; men who think domestic violence is a sign of strength; men who see suicide as a better alternative than letting the world see their weakness.
Therefore, if we want a gender-equitable and sustainable society, empowering women is not enough. Unless we begin to become intentional about empowering all individuals, irrespective of their gender, we will just be circling the drain. Our empowerment should be focused on changing the mind-set of all humans and challenging harmful stereotypes. We need to become proactive in empowering the boy child. We must begin to teach the boy child and men that it is completely normal and okay for them to talk about their feelings without fear of being judged. Finally, we must begin to take a gender transformative approach towards empowering all genders. The truth is unless men are well empowered, they will not see the need for women empowerment, and since we live in a male-dominated society, it will be impossible to attain gender equity without the support of the men.