Recently, I have been reading a lot of literature on gender-including masculinity and feminist theory. I have also been trying to unlearn some of the things I internalised about gender while growing up. I am also developing my capacity on how to apply a gender transformative approach to programming, while at the same time correcting some of the preconceived and stereotypical notions that I have about gender. As I proceed with my training, I will be sharing some of the lessons learnt and some of my takeaways from the various readings on gender.
One of the readings I recommend for anyone interested in learning about feminism or gender in general is Chimamanda Adichie’s We should All be Feminists as it provides a clear picture on what feminism is about. This short essay of about 64 pages is an adaptation of her TEDx talk of the same name delivered in Euston, London in December 2012.
There is often this negative narrative whenever the word feminism is mentioned or whenever a person identifies as being a feminist, some of which include the saying that feminists are men haters or unhappy women who cannot find husbands to marry or women who want to control their husband. Some people also see feminism as a social movement that seeks to reverse gender roles by making men inferior to women. This narrative is a far cry from what feminism is all about. Being a feminist simply means tackling the social injustices that silence people’s will and power to succeed social expectations. It means creating equal chances and opportunities for men and women. Feminism is all about making the world a better place for the sexes.
When reading Adichie’s book, one of the things that resonate in my mind was her experience contesting as a class monitor. This is a culture that is still found in today’s society wherever you look: be it in schools, churches, workplace, associations, and politics. The position of the president or chair is often reserved for the male candidate even when the female candidate is more qualified. Furthermore, whenever a person enters an office occupied by men and women, there is often the tendency for the person to assume that the man is in charge. This goes to show that our ideas about gender has not really evolved much.
Another point raised by Adichie is the difference in gender roles. According to her, men and women are different. We have different hormones and different sexual organs and different biological abilities-Women can have babies, men cannot. Men have more testosterone and are in general, physically stronger than women. In the call for gender equality, we are not saying than men and women are equal and must be assigned similar roles and responsibilities. It simply means equal rights, opportunities, and chances within all areas of life regardless of gender.
Adichie also raised a point that I keep bringing up whenever I have discussions around gender, which is the disservice that we do to boys and men. Whenever gender is mentioned even among gender experts, it is often in relation to women, with gender being used as a synonym for women. However, gender is not another name for women. Gender equality does not only mean women empowerment but equality of all gender. There is often the misconception that society has always being fair on men but this is not totally true as boys and men also experience a fair share of gender inequality with norms around masculinity imprisoning men and boys. Most society traditionally imposes strict expectations on men, such as showing strength and hiding feelings. Adichie asserts that we spend too much time teaching girls to worry about what boys think of them without teaching boys to care about being likeable. We spend too much time telling girls that they cannot be angry or aggressive but then we turn around and either praise or excuse men for the same reasons. She went further to state that we do a great disservice to boys in the way we raise them, stifling their humanity by defining masculinity in a very narrow way. We teach boys to be afraid of vulnerability, fear, and weakness. These expectations often get in the way of building healthy gender relationships and often lead them to high-risk behaviours.
These restrictive gender norms and imbalances in power structure often stand in the way of receiving the knowledge and information that one need to make well-informed choices. For example, society has the expectation that women must be subservient to men and must not be too ambitious so they don’t become a threat to their husbands or male counterpart. Adichie explains this point clearly when she asserts, “We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: You can have ambition but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful otherwise you we threaten the man”.
Like Adichie, I often wonder: Why should a woman’s success be seen as a threat to a man? Why should a woman be discouraged from have multiple degrees because she may become less obedient to her spouse? Why should a woman stop working because she is married and has to take care of the home? Why should a woman have to make life choices putting in mind that whatever she does may have implications on her marriage? Why should marriage be the end goal for a woman? Why should an unmarried woman be discouraged from buying a car or from owning properties? Why should a woman be pressured to get married at a certain age without a man of the same age pressured to do the same? What should child care and home management only be the responsibility of the woman? Why should a man be intimidated by a successful or career woman? Why should it be the role of the woman to always compromise in marriage? Why do we raise girls to see each other as competitors? Why do we praise girls for virginity but we don’t praise boys? All these and more are questions that often come to my mind and some of the reasons that make me interested in understanding gender in all its ramifications.
The problem with gender is that it has certain expectations on how we are supposed to live and the failure to conform to these gender norms often lead to stigmatisation and discrimination. We need to stop hiding behind culture and remember that culture does not make people but people make culture. We must work together to transform these gender constructs and develop relationships that are just and fair in the distribution of benefits and responsibilities between women and men.
One major conclusion I can draw from Adichie’s book is that the world will be a happier and freer place if when raising children, we focus on ability and interest instead of gender. We should always remember that gender equity and equality begin in the home and can be achieved in the way we raise children. Families must learn to break down gender stereotypes and gender disparities in how they raise their male and female children. Some of the ways this can be achieved include equal distribution of household chores and talking to your children about equality between all genders and the role they can play towards achieving this. As a parent, you can also educate yourself on issues around gender by reading literature and taking some free courses from platforms such as UN Women Training Centre available at https://trainingcentre.unwomen.org/portal/.
References
Adichie, C.N. 2014. We should all be feminists. London: Fourth Estate.
Plan International. Our gender transformative approach: Tackling the root causes of gender inequality. Retrieved from https://plan-international.org/eu/blog-alex-munive-gender-transformative-approach, May 5 2021.